Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
