Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
