I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
