never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Randomize
