I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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