Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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