My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just googled if crying burns calories
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
