The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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