Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
