SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
