Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
