My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
