So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
