Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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