guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
