My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
