I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
