Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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