Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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