did you get engaged???
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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