Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
