Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
