I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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