Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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