He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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