I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
