I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
