I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
