This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
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So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
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I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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