her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
