sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
