there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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