not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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