I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
