I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
