I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
