Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
