ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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