We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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