Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
