I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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