You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
