I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
