I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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