tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
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I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
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I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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