what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
