??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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