so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
