well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
