Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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