Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
