I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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