I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
