I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
