I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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