On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
