Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
