I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
