I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
