Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
