She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
