I am in a vortex of obligation.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
