she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize