i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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