I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I want to have your abortion
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
