I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
